


Give Up Forever

by This_is_it



Category: Adam (2009), Charlie Countryman (2013), Hannibal (TV)
Genre: Eventual Smut, Fluff, M/M, Slow Burn, Spacedogs, charming Nigel, wedding stress
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-22
Updated: 2019-10-29
Packaged: 2020-12-28 02:55:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 19,265
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21129605
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/This_is_it/pseuds/This_is_it
Summary: Marriage was never a big deal to Adam. It was what happened after falling in love, and they had done that part already. When Beth surprised him with the question, the answer was only logical. But when Beth’s long-lost lover comes back into their lives two weeks out from the ceremony, the wedding becomes the furthest thing on Adam’s mind.





	1. Chapter 1

“Who is Nigel Ibanescu?” Adam asked her.

Beth didn’t answer at first. She was pacing in their room, thinking over the breakfast, trying to figure out why in the world her mother would spring this on them. She was still in her pajamas, wearing old sweatpants and a faded jersey, her long brown hair pulled back into a messy bun. Breakfast had been fine, a little tense between her father and Adam, as it always was. It wasn’t until her mother mentioned the last-minute RSVP that she got the kick to the stomach. Nigel Ibanescu had called to thank her for the invitation, and to tell her he’d be in town soon. Beth could practically hear her blood vessels popping. Why the fuck was Nigel even invited in the first place?

After a short argument with her mother, who insisted Nigel was an old friend and deserved to be invited, Beth quickly excused herself from the table. She made a beeline for her room, with Adam trailing behind her.

“He’s…an old friend,” She offered lamely, parroting her mother as she impatiently pushed back her bangs.

He raised his eyebrows, as if wanting to believe her.

She sighed, sitting down on the bed. He knew about all the others, but Nigel she had never mentioned. Everything about them was messy. Their fights, their sex, their break up. Years ago Nigel was a handsome foreigner in the big city, and she had fallen fast for his charm and flowing accent. They lasted a year during which she even introduced him to her parents. But settling down wasn’t as appealing to him as it was to her. He called it off and left the city, they stopped talking and she healed slowly from it. Some people she didn’t like to think about anymore, or talk about. Even with her cute new boyfriend.

“Why did your mother invite him?” He asked, furrowing his brow when she said nothing. He wasn’t thrilled by the idea of meeting yet another family friend, especially one that made Beth make that unreadable expression.

“I don’t know Adam,” she threw her hands up. “But it would be rude to uninvite him at this point.” She snapped. Her patience with Adam was wearing thinner these days with the wedding so close. She was getting tired of him being so nervous about anything new. He had that same worried expression every time she introduced someone to him, and it was starting to drive her nuts.

He folded his arms, not particularly affected by her annoyance at him. “Why don’t you like him?” He asked quietly.

“We just…” She hesitated, debating on how much she wanted to share, wondering if Adam would be hurt to know she kept this from him. “We were together. For a little bit. We didn’t end fantastically.”

Adam frowned. “So he’s your ex-boyfriend. And he’s coming to our wedding.” He stated.

“Is that going to be a problem with you?” She challenged.

If he picked up on her rude tone, he didn’t show it. “Are you going to be ok with it?” He asked gently, instead.

She deflated a bit. “Yeah, I mean. It was so long ago. It’s not like I still have any feelings for him.”

Adam nodded once. “Yeah.”

She crossed the room and kissed his cheek.

“I love you,” She said.

“I love you too.”

She moved past him and went into the bathroom behind him. 

Adam sat down on the bed with a sigh. With the wedding just weeks away now, everything seemed to be growing tenser. As if their worlds were boiling to a tipping point. Each prick in conversation was surrounded by excruciating details about the flowers, the seating, the lighting, the band, the guest list. It just went on and on. Adam became much less involved when they found out early on less fighting happened when she took control. So she made her binders, seating charts, color boards and listings. He didn’t really care about any of the finer details, it all seemed intimidating and convoluted, so he just went with whatever Beth chose.

One of the decisions she made without consulting him was to stay with her parents the weeks leading up to the wedding so they can help around the house to get it ready for the massive rehearsal dinner to be held at their estate. It was also much closer to the venue, which Beth visited often to check on plans with the coordinator. So Beth had them take off a few weeks early, and they headed out to the suburbs.

Adam didn’t like all the “bonding time” as Beth had called it. Stuffy dinner after stuffy dinner, her parents unable to think of engaging conversation with him and uninterested in the stories he had to tell. He was looking forward to going back to their apartment in the city, where things made a bit more sense to him. Where he didn’t have her cold family a step away, where Beth was more relaxed, and they could just go back to normal.

* * *

Beth leaned against the sinks edge and closed her eyes. She just wanted to get away from Adam for two goddamn seconds. It was like he followed her around like a puppy in that big house some days. And sometimes, when she was really stressed, she just needed her space.

She needed to think.

As she began to run the water for a shower, she repeated the mantra she kept all these months of planning: 6 million dollars, 6 million dollars, 6 million dollars. It was all worth it, all the wedding stress and surprises from her mother if she ended up with Adam’s inheritance in a joint bank account by the end of all of it. That was what she was getting out of all this, and Adam of course. But with student debt piling up, publishing companies uninterested in her books, and a teacher’s salary, she was looking forward very much to being Mrs. Raki.

Sure, she liked Adam, sometimes when he’d smile just right, she thought she even loved him. They made a handsome pair, even if he bothered the hell out of her sometimes. She was pretty sure ‘prenup’ wasn’t in Adam’s vocabulary, so if things didn’t work out between them, at least she would have access to that huge sum of money for a fresh start.

As she stepped into the running water, she thought about Nigel coming to the wedding. Of Nigel’s handsome smile, his big hands, broad shoulders. Somewhere in her heart she wished things would have worked out with him. That she would be getting a husband like Nigel instead. Adam was sweet, he was charming and handsome. But he was so quiet, so interested in different things then her, on his own planet sometimes.


	2. Chapter 2

Beth was looking down at her binders, sitting at the kitchen table connected to the high-ceilinged den. She was trying to talk to a distracted Adam about the final table seating arrangements. Adam sat on the couch in the next room, staring at the globe on a table in the corner of the room. It often caught his attention in these stressful conversations. It was large, and made of crystal, with etchings of the continents scrawling across it. It moved around in circles under a light and bounced reflections around the room.

“Adam, are you listening?” She asked finally.

“Beth, sweetie, you should go freshen up for dinner,” Her mother announced herself, interrupting the conversation.

Beth didn’t look up when her mother walked into the room. Instead she went back to the drawings of tables and chairs with numbers and names scattered around in front of her.

“Why?” She asked, “it’s just us.”

“Nigel called, he’s in the neighborhood,” Her mother practically purred. 

“What?” Beth asked, head shooting up. “And?”

“And? And I invited him for dinner,” she said as a matter of fact.

“_Why_?”

“Because I was being nice, sweetheart,” her mother said, the picture of innocence.

“No I mean why is it that weeks before my wedding you start giving a damn about who Nigel Ibanescu is?”

“Don’t be like that, you know your father and I really liked Nigel. He was like family,” Her mother defended. 

Adam grimaced at that. In their year of dating he couldn’t recall a single time her mother had treated him in the same regard. Beth felt like punching a pillow, and Adam felt a lump in his throat. Whoever this Nigel person was, Beth didn’t like him. So Adam didn’t either.

* * *

Adam stayed in the living room when he heard the doorbell. Beth and her mother got up to greet Nigel, but Adam was a bundle of nerves and was not interested in getting up and fanning this flame. The least interaction with the other man, the better. He would just have to sit through dinner silently, like he always had, and grin and bear it.

He heard her mother first, practically squealing with excitement in her greeting.

“Nigel! It’s been ages!”

And then his voice. Low, rumbling, with an unplaceable accent. It peeked his attention. 

“Hello, Mrs. Buchwald. A grace to lay eyes on such a beauty again,” the new voice greeted, a smile in his tone.

She laughed a touch too loud and called him a charmer.

Beth’s voice was timid, barely audible from the next room. She mumbled her greeting and then immediately left the foyer area, leading them down the hall to where Adam sat. Her eyes were wide, newly refreshed makeup and hair in place.

The rest of the party trailed in behind her, including the tall, handsome stranger. He wore a button up dark blue dress shirt and fresh dark jeans. His ashen blond hair was pushed back on his head with a pair of sunglasses, and above the collar of a leather jacket, Adam was surprised to see the faded ink of a dancing woman tattooed on his neck.

“Adam, why don’t you come over here and shake our guest’s hand?” Her mother prompted, annoyed that Adam remained in his seat.

Adam stood up, hating the tone Mrs. Buchwald took with him sometimes. Like she was talking to a child. He crossed the room, eyes trained on the man’s shoulder.

“Hello, I’m Adam. I’m Beth’s fiancé,” He said, holding out his hand.

Nigel’s ember eyes were glowing as they trained on the younger man. He was assessing him, head to toe, blatantly. His smile perked with genuine interest in this quiet man. Such under pronounced beauty. The slim figure, the strong jaw, the dorky clothes. Yes, he could stand getting to know this Adam. His thin lips pulled into a confident smile.

“Hello, Adam,” Nigel purred, reaching for Adam’s hand.

The shake was firm, short, and with the closer contact Adam could smell spiced cologne and cigarettes. Then Adam pulled away quickly, not liking to touch strangers for too long.

“Well I’d better pop back into the kitchen, you guys can catch up,” Her mother said, leaving the room with one last smile to Nigel.

Nigel didn’t take his eyes off Adam.

“So, Nigel,” Beth started, crossing her arms and leaning against the back of the sofa in the middle of the room. “What brings you to the neighborhood?” She asked, a shade of confrontation in her tone.

Nigel didn’t seem to notice it. He smiled politely and looked slowly towards her. 

“Business,” He said simply. “You recall how busy I always was? Nothings changed in that regard.”

“Well you’ll have to tell us all about it over dinner,” She challenged, recalling how secretive he was about his work. Knowing there was likely a very good reason for that secrecy. She wondered what kind of money he brought in, if it was as reliable as Adam’s in the bank.

“Oh, I don’t want to bore you with those details. I’d much rather learn more about you two, the happy couple,” He said, eyes tracing between the two. Noticing the distance in which they stood, noticing Adam’s slightly worried look.

There was a lull in the conversation, that was filled with her mother bustling back into the room.

“We are clear out of butter, I can’t believe it,” She announced in a touch of real distress. “I could have sworn I picked them up for the rolls today. Beth, be a dear and run down the street for me? I’ve got to stay with the roast,” she implored.

Beth rolled her eyes up to the ceiling. “I’m in the middle of seating arrangements.”

“Well why don’t you take five minutes, take Nigel along with you, and stop by the store.”

Beth’s eyes widened. “Why would I take Nigel and not Adam?” She questioned quickly.

Nigel looked between the two, trapped in a battle of wills. He huffed out a laugh.

“No need to argue. I’ll get the butter, no problem,” he said. He turned to leave, stopping to look towards Adam standing in the corner.

“You look like you could use some air. Come with?”

Adam looked up from his feet, his eyes wide. He wondered what needing some air looked like. He swallowed, not liking the idea of being alone with this stranger without Beth.

* * *

Nigel’s car was slick, modern, and by the smell of leather in the interior, Adam had to guess it was very expensive. When they were both finally seated with the doors shut, the lights went out. It was dark and quiet, save for the hum of air conditioning. Adam felt secluded from the rest of the world, in a calm and cool bubble. It was refreshing to get out of the stifling hustle within the house, the pressing July heat.

“So, Adam,” Nigel started, turning the car on with the press of a button near the steering wheel. “How’s engaged life treating you? She stop putting out yet?”

He asked as he backed out of the drive way.

Adam didn’t register the sexual innuendo at first, but when Nigel looked at him with a grin and a wink he realized the joke. His lips curled into a smile.

“No,” he answered, sheepishly.

Nigel chuckled. “That’s good.”

The car remained silence, as Adam blushed slightly realizing what he’d just so easily told Nigel. Something about him was immediately familiar, and alluring. Like a book he used to love found after being lost a long time. It felt surprisingly not terrible to be around this stranger, like the air was electric in his small car.

“So are you excited for the big day?” Nigel asked in the silence that followed.

“Excited?” Adam asked. No, he had not been excited for the wedding. Anything but. All the preparations made his head spin.

“Yes, I look forward to being married.” There, that was safe. Because once they were married, things would go back to normal. No more living with her family, no more fighting about details and Beth stressing over everything.

Nigel huffed a laugh. “That couldn’t have sounded more fuckin forced if you wanted it to.”

Adam was about to argue but Nigel held up a hand. “Hey man, I get it. Weddings are a nightmare.”

“Planning is a nightmare. They day will probably be ok,” he said.

“A probably ok wedding; sounds fucking lovely,” Nigel hummed.

Adam internally flinched at the swearing, not used to hearing people lay them down so casually. He didn’t say anything about it, but Nigel picked up on Adam’s expression.

“You’re gunna have to pardon my French, Adam. I talk like a fucking sailor.”

Adam pondered this, recognizing the turn of phrase, recognizing it didn’t have to do with speaking another language, or like a seaman. He liked the way Nigel spoke, it was fun to break down his use of expressions.

Nigel pulled the car out onto the main road, a few minutes away from the shopping center he’d passed on the way in.

“I take it you’re not into the whole big wedding plan?” Nigel asked.

Adam was slightly surprised, no one having asked him that before. No one seemed to care what Adam wanted from the wedding, it was Beth’s big day after all.

“I’m not comfortable in larger social situations,” Adam explained hesitantly. Not sure how much he wanted to share with this practical stranger. “And all the planning seems to be upsetting Beth.”

“Upsetting her? She seemed very dedicated to the planning.” He tried, remembering the stacks of binders and papers spread out across the kitchen table.

“It’s stressful,” Adam confided, not sure what was making him open. Maybe it was simply just being asked.

“Yeah,” Nigel agreed. “That’s why I just went to the court house. It was easier that way. We never had a big fuckin fan fair.”

Adam looked at the man’s left hand. No ring.

“You’re married?” He asked, not sure where the lightest shade of disappointment came from.

“Divorced,” Nigel said, his tone a touch darker. His grip tightened on the wheel.

“Oh. I’m sorry to hear that,” Adam said, shifting his weight in his seat. He fidgeted with the sleeve of his sweater.

“It’s fine. She’s happier this way,” Nigel said, a slight heat in his voice.

Adam swallowed. “And you?”

He didn’t know where the confidence came from to ask, and Nigel looked slightly surprised. Like anyone had given two shits about how he felt about the whole thing.

“I’m better off without her,” He said at length.

He pulled the car into an open stall in the parking lot. They sat in silence for a second, looking up at the brightly lit up grocery store sign.

“You gotta be 100% sure of marriage, kid. It’s no fucking joke. It’s supposed to be forever.”

Adam huffed. “I know that.”

Nigel turned in his seat, pulling Adam to meet his eyes. Something sparked through the younger man as he saw those glowing embers for the first time. The other man smiled something small.

“Well good. As long as you know that.”

* * *

They got back to the house with no trouble, butter in hand. Adam was finding he liked talking to Nigel, liked the guy’s sincerity. He didn’t put on airs; didn’t pretend to be something he wasn’t. He spoke honestly, warmly, and seemed to want to make as much eye contact as possible. Which heated Adam, made him squirm, but he wouldn’t look away first. He seemed drawn in by the man, finding himself meeting another person’s gaze more frequently then he normally would anyone else. More frequently then Beth.

Beth’s father came home from work, and the table was set. Nigel chatted with her parents, as Beth and Adam prepared for dinner. Beth seemed off kilter, not liking the intrusion but bearing it with grace. Adam seemed lost and kept quiet.

Dinner was served, and they all took their places around the table. Nigel made sure to take the spot directly across from Adam, with Beth’s father in between them at the head. No matter the conversation, his attention seemed to be on the smaller man. Beth sat next to Adam, with her mother on her other side. Both not talking to each other much. Nigel preened under the attention from her parents but couldn’t help noticing the chill in the air between them and the groom to be. He barely spoke, was barely spoken to.

“So Nigel, tell us, what business have you been up to?” Beth asked him.

“I’m in sales,” he said simply. “My company has grown quiet a lot back in Bucharest, and I’m part of an expansion project to bring our goods to the great city of New York,” he explained.

Beth pursed her lips, and was about to ask him what exactly his company sold, when her father chimed in.

“Oh, I remember my days in sales. You remember when I worked for SmithCorp, honey?” He reminisced, looking towards Beth’s mother.

“Of course I do, you were a feistier man back then,” she said with a chuckle. 

“Sales brings it out in you, that’s for sure. Well good for you, Nigel. It’s nice to have a like-minded man at the table for once,” her dad said.

Adam’s lip twitched at that, realizing his future father-in-law was calling him not like-minded. Which was true, Adam’s mind worked in a million different ways then Beth’s father. Nigel picked up on the dig and frowned, not liking the implication so blatantly laid out on the table. Her father’s disapproval seeming to take up some of the air around them.

“Adam, what is it you do?” Nigel asked, ignoring the father’s comment.

Adam looked up. “I’m a technological engineer,” he said softly.

“He builds toys,” her father chimed in. “In charge of making doll voices.” The condescension wasn’t missed by anyone at the table.

“A fun position I’m sure,” Nigel tried, feeling sorry for Adam for the first time that night. Seeing his discomfort, the father’s open disapproval of him.

Adam nodded, looking back down at his food. Nigel smiled something sideways. The kid was cute, it was undeniable. He was quiet, a bit shy, but not weak. Nigel was intrigued to know more about him.

“Where are you staying, Nigel?” Her mother asked, changing the subject.

Nigel hesitantly took his eyes off Adam to look at her.

“In the area, I have a hotel nearby,” he explained.

“It better not be the Marriott down on Maplewood,” her dad warned.

“And if it is?” Nigel asked with a smile, knowing it wasn’t.

“Oh God, we have had horror stories with that awful establishment,” her father explained.

“Richard could tell you, we _do not_ like that place,” Her mother said haughtily, taking a sip from her wine glass. “It’s under absolutely atrocious management.”

Nigel nodded. “I already have some complaints,” he offered with a sly grin. He had an idea of where this conversation was heading, and he liked the prospects.

“Well, we cannot have our family friend staying there. I won’t hear of it. We have plenty of spare rooms here. Nigel, darling, why don’t you stay with us before the wedding?” Her mother offered, getting excited at the invitation.

Beth choked on her sip of water. “Absolutely not,” she growled.

Nigel looked at her with an interested smile.

“I can’t impose,” He said lightly.

“Nonsense, we have more room then we know what to do with.” Her mother insisted.

Nigel looked to Adam, who was pushing around small roasted potatoes with his fork. He didn’t even seem like he was paying attention to the conversation. After a moment, he looked up, met Nigel’s gaze with a rolling sea of blue.

Nigel looked back to her mother.

“How could I refuse?” He purred.


	3. Chapter 3

That night Nigel went back to the hotel to check out and gather his bags and returned within the hour. Her mother fussed over his room, welcoming him with an enthusiasm Adam tried not to resent. By the end of the night, Nigel laid down in his new bed, thinking of how he’d come to this intriguing situation.

Nigel had said yes to the wedding invitation to stir the pot, to try to break up a happy couple. He had admitted that openly to himself. He wasn’t the best of guys, he knew it. But he was curious to see if he could still rouse the emotion in Beth that he used to, after all this time. Not that he necessarily thought of her as anything more than a simple mistake he made years ago. He broke her heart, left her easy and didn’t look back. Why the old woman extended an invitation was beyond Nigel, but he suspected a hint of disapproval in her betrothed. He honestly held no jealousy, or desire to rekindle anything with Beth. But the temptation to cause trouble called to him.

He hadn’t expected deep blue eyes that looked at him round as hell. Or the curls, the obnoxiously pouting lips, the open honest expression. Nigel realized by the end of the night, who indeed he was much more interested in flirting with. Interested in what he could possibly stir up if he could seduce the groom, instead. And it wasn’t even forced, the entire night he was downright enchanted by Adam’s demure company. His soft voice, barely used. He couldn’t stop flirting with Adam even if he wanted to, it was like he brought something newer, younger, out in him. So he couldn’t possibly refuse the invitation to stay in the house, to get to spend more time with the intriguing man.

* * *

The next day, their first assignment came in from Beth. She was slightly panicked that Adam had yet to pick up his tux from the bridal shop, and insisted he went that day. Adam was slightly flustered, not able to drive and not liking the idea of taking public transport into an unfamiliar part of town. When Nigel offered to drive them, he was relieved. Maybe even excited to get back into that cool car, to be able to exhale in that small bubble away from all the noise.

As he buckled himself in, Nigel rolled down the window.

“Do you mind?” He asked, holding up a pack of cigarettes.

Adam scrunched up his nose.

“Fine,” he relented.

He wondered why he didn’t resent the other man. Handsome as he was, so liked by her family. And he smoked cigarettes, which normally put Adam off. But he couldn’t help staring as the older man put the cig to his lips and lit up.

“I’ve been fucking dying for a smoke, man,” he said as he exhaled.

“You don’t want to smoke in front of her family,” Adam observed as Nigel started the car and pulled out of the drive way.

“Don’t want to ruin the illusion,” Nigel said with a wink. “They like me right now.”

Adam thought about this, wondering what else the man was hiding in order to put on a show for her parents. He also wondered why that didn’t bother him more. He was only curious, wanting to find out more about him.

“They seem to really like you,” he said instead, lowering his gaze to his hands in his lap.

Nigel pursed his lips. _Of course they like me, I’m not you. _He shrugged.

“Parents always like me,” he lied. “I have a way with them.”

Adam sighed. “Parents never like me.”

Nigel looked over at him in the seat. There was that dreamy look of distraction, like his mind was a million miles away.

“How long have you two been going out?” Nigel asked, changing the subject. Thinking of how long Adam had to bear the judgmental looks and cutting comments from her parents.

“About a year,” Adam responded.

Nigel was surprised. That wasn’t that long at all. Not long enough to know you were ready to spend the rest of your fucking life with someone. That’s how long he fucking knew Gabi. He glowered at that, noticing for the first time some much wanted wiggle room between the two of them. One year.

“Huh,” was all he said.

“What?” Adam asked.

“Nothing, it’s just. That’s not very fucking long at all,” he said honestly.

Adam shrugged. “Well we’re getting married. It’s a moot point,” he said, not wanting to think about how little they’ve been together. He turned to look out the passenger side window when he heard a light chuckle from Nigel. He turned in his seat to see Nigel’s grin.

“What?”

“A mute point,” He quoted. “I always loved that American expression.”

Adam thought about it.

“I don’t know what it means really. I don’t know what a moot is.”

“Moot? I thought it was a _mute_ point? Like a silent point,” he asked, annunciating his ‘T’s.

Adam thought about this and then laughed out loud. It was the first time Nigel had heard the noise from him, and it warmed him. It was something musical and easy.

“No! That’s not how it’s spelled. It’s M-O-O-T.”

“No shit. Are you sure?” Nigel couldn’t help smile at Adam’s expression. The kid was out-right tickled by the misunderstanding.

“I’ve read it before, Nigel. I think the editors of the books I read know the proper grammar.”

“So then what the fuck’s a moot?” Nigel asked, slowing down the car for yet another red light.

Nigel looked over at Adam, who’s lips curled into a smile. He shrugged.

“I’ll look it up when I get home.”

* * *

Adam didn’t even try the tux on in the store. Nigel tried to get him to, but he said he wasn’t comfortable with that. So they just picked it up, and returned home. Once through the doors Nigel insisted that he try it on to make sure it doesn’t need any alterations. He had an easy friendliness Adam couldn’t say no to.

Adam was slightly shy as he came out from behind the bedroom door. He walked down the hall and presented the final wedding look, feeling a bit nervous. Be it at what the idea the clothes held for his future, or Nigel’s scrutinizing look.

“You didn’t get it tailor at all?” Nigel immediately asked, almost disappointed.

“No? Was I supposed to?” Adam looked slightly alarmed. “Beth didn’t tell me to.”

Nigel huffed, a bit bristled that Beth let that detail slip, something as important as they groom’s wedding day outfit.

“For all the fucking fuss they make over the dress,” he huffed.

“What?”

“Adam, with a body like that, and a tux that fucking nice, you’re going to wanna have it fit just right. Right now you’re swimming in it.”

Adam furrowed he brow. “I am not.”

“Look, it doesn’t matter. I know a guy. Best fucking tailor in Queens. Let me call him right now, see if he’s got time.”

“Within a week?”

“He’s fast, man.”

Adam threw up his hands. He didn’t quite see what all the fuss was about, but he liked Nigel’s energy. It would be worth it to do this Nigel’s way, at least he’d look good on the big day anyway. Plus, it meant more driving around in Nigel’s slick car, which he was finding himself growing more attached to. He liked their easy conversation, the ability to just sit and be listened to. So maybe he could brave a couple fittings.

“Ciao, Stefano,” Nigel greeted over the phone.

He waited for the other man to talk, then grinned.

“Bene bene! Impegnato, soprattutto.”

_Good, good. Busy mostly_. He listened again, and then spoke Italian with a voice like honey. Adam perked up at the language change. Not sure if he was interested in the language, or the slight heat it pulled at in him as his voice spoke rushed and friendly. It was slightly mesmerizing.

“Ascolta, hai tempo per un favore?,” He said. “Per un vecchio amico?”

_Listen, do you have time for a favor, for an old friend?_


	4. Chapter 4

Adam wasn’t concerned over the fact that he wasn’t going to have a bachelor’s party. Nigel was outraged. They were discussing this as Nigel drove them into Queens. Nigel had asked him if he knew what his bachelor night plans were, or if it was to be a surprise. Adam said he was pretty sure his one groomsman wasn’t planning anything.

“What? How could he not? It’s like the best part of getting married,” Nigel said, seemingly personally insulted at the disservice to Adam.

Adam played with the hem of his shirt. “I don’t know. He’s in his sixties. I think he might take me out to dinner.” 

“Well that’s a load of shit. You deserve a proper bachelor’s night.”

Adam smiled something small. He liked the attention, liked Nigel getting excited about something so trivial to him.

“Beth said no strip clubs,” he said lightheartedly.

“Well isn’t Beth the fucking life of the party,” Nigel grumbled.

“I don’t know if I’d like them anyway. Loud music and lot of people isn’t my idea of a good night,” Adam explained.

They sat at a traffic light, a few blocks away from the store.

“Well we don’t have to go somewhere like that. I know a lot of classy places all over New York. Oh, please, darling, let me take you fucking out. Just one night on the city, I’ll show you the brightest parts of town,” Nigel implored.

Adam was a little surprised by Nigel’s enthusiasm, the allure he found behind Nigel’s enticing words. They felt dangerous, a little foreign. But it felt good too, something heated in him he hadn’t felt for a long time. For the moment he could only think about that pet name. _Darling_. It seemed to roll of his tongue without him even thinking twice about it.

Nigel looked pleadingly back at Adam, taking slight notice of the effect his words were having on him. When Adam noticed being noticed, he felt a deep blush rising up his neck.

“Have you ever been drunk before?” Nigel let the question slip right out of his thoughts looking at the impossibly innocent look on Adam’s face.

Adam tilted his head, thinking back.

“Yeah, once during college. I didn’t really like it that much.”

“Well, you’ll like it with me, Adam.” He said, switching his attention back to the road.

A spark jumped up Adam’s back at the words. The easy, almost mindless flirtation seeming to hover behind them. Catching Adam’s attention and holding it.

“I wouldn’t be opposed to drinking. I always wanted to pass that social milestone,” He said, looking back to the road too.

“Social milestone?”

“Drinking casually with friends. Beth does it all the time, and I couldn’t figure out how to relax enough to enjoy the loose feeling. It’s harder, I guess, for people like me.”

Nigel already knew what Adam was referencing, recalling the gossipy way Beth’s mother informed him all about Adam and his Asperger’s. He remembered feeling disgust at the way her mother said it. Like it was something she saw hanging an anchor over her daughter’s future. When he looked at Adam, he couldn’t see a damn thing about him that wasn’t endearing, interesting, or alluring. But deeper, he felt Adam’s indignity of having to deal with their brutal opinions and condescending attitudes. Despite his superficial friendliness towards the parents, he was really growing to dislike both of them.

“Well I promise to help you relax, how about that?” He offered, turning onto the last block before the tailor’s studio.

“Why are you so keen to help me?” Adam asked.

Nigel stayed silent for a moment, as he parallel parked the car on the street. When he finally shut off the engine, he looked over to Adam with a smile and a shrug.

“I like you, Adam,” He said simply.

And if that didn’t send a flutter of nerves through Adam, who could swear Nigel winked at him before unbuckling his seat belt and getting out of the car.

They entered the small shop with wide windows, displaying sharply dressed manikins. Ball gowns with intricate beading, tuxedos with deep colors and bright patterns. The shelfs were loaded with folded fabrics, surrounding a work station in the middle of the room. 

A small, older man shuffled out from behind the door in the back. He walked slowly, had wispy, fading hair, and watery eyes. Nigel and he exchanged greetings in Italian quickly and softly, before the man turned a warm, aged smile at Adam.

“Come,” he ordered.

Adam followed him into a back room, carrying his tuxedo with him. He wasn’t expecting the man to help him dress, but he stayed put once the door was closed. Stefano inspected the fabric closely before assisting Adam in getting into each layer of the tux. He was slow, deliberate. He flattened his hands over the shirt, tugged expertly at the bow tie, and ran a lint rolled over the entirety of Adam’s outfit.

“Come,” he said again, as he opened the door and lead them back to the front room, where Nigel stood with his hands in his pocket, back turned and studying the lacy pattern up a bridal gown.

When Nigel turned around, his smile fell for a hint of a second, in slight surprise at how stunning the younger man looked.

“You look better already,” he said smoothly.

Adam pulled at the sleeve. “He didn’t even do anything yet,” he said, though he understood what Nigel meant. When he looked in the mirror, he saw the crisper lines to the white, the fresh deepness to the black. The perfectly folded blue satin pocket square, and elegant fold to his tie. He looked sharp, he had to say. But it did sag around the waist, the jacket pushing down over his palms. 

Nigel watched Adam squirm in his tuxedo as he stood up on a stool. Stefano worked silently and quickly around the hem of the pants. He pinned his way up the length, spending some time readjusting the fit around Adam. All the while, old Italian music played in the background, with Stefano humming along. He asked a few questions about Adam in Italian, and Nigel explained the finer details of why they needed a rushed job.

They left the store soon after, leaving behind Adam’s tuxedo to be worked on. They were to return in three days. Adam thanked him profusely and the little man smiled and put his hand on Nigel’s shoulder.

“One of the good guys,” He said, his words layered in Italian accent.

Adam turned his smile to Nigel.

“I’m figuring that out,” he said back.

* * *

Adam was down in the finished basement, hours after the rest of the family had gone to bed. He was curled on one of the wide leather sofas, reading and re-reading the same passages without digesting much of it. Instead he was thinking about his day with Nigel. He was having trouble wrapping his head around this new man in his life, someone who seemed eager to please him. Someone with glowing eyes, broad shoulders and a gorgeous accent. Someone who’s thin lips seemed caught in Adam’s thoughts, whose easy smile and ready ear warmed something inside him. He really listened to him, respected him. It had been a while since someone asked him about his own opinions. He had begun feeling like he didn’t have any at all.

But being with Nigel changed that. Made him feel a new sense of importance. Adam smiled at that. The last person to make him feel important was his father, so many years ago. Beth respected him too, but not in the same way. She ran out of patience with him easily, especially these days. She didn’t stand up for him to her parents anymore; she had stopped doing that a while ago. They used to get into arguments Adam pretended not to listen to about him.

It wasn’t until he heard a splash from outside the open windows did he look up from him book. There were double glass doors on the other edge of the room that lead out to a patio area surrounding a wide, blue pool. The lights were on in the cabana bar on the far side, illuminating the lounge chairs through lights attached to spinning ceiling fans. Adam moved to the glass doors, peered out to see a slim form making laps in the pool. His eyes traced the slow gliding back and forth, and then he looked down at his watch. It was nearly midnight, and Nigel had chosen then to get some exercise in.

Adam watched, as if in a trance, as Nigel slowly pulled his panting body out of the water. He slapped his feet over the pavement to the bar, where his towel was waiting on a stool. Wrapping it around himself, he circled the bar and rummaged behind the counter, in what Adam knew was a mini fridge fully stocked with all sorts of expensive alcohols.

Adam considered turning off the lights and sneaking back upstairs before Nigel saw him, but he didn’t. Despite himself, he wanted to go out and join the other man. To have more easy conversation, to get that pinpoint attention all for himself.

Taking a small breath for courage, Adam pushed open one of the doors. He walked silently around the pool, catching Nigel’s attention almost immediately.

“Ah, good evening, Adam. I hope my swimming didn’t disturb you,” He greeted, pushing back his dripping bangs.

Adam watched a trail of water make its way from Nigel’s bare shoulder to his chest.

“No, I wasn’t disturbed,” Adam said, not meeting his eye line just yet.

“Well good. Join me for a drink?” He offered. “I know you said you don’t normally…”

“Yeah, well.” Adam shrugged. “Maybe it will help me sleep.” He said, surprising himself.

“Well they’ve got plenty to fucking choose from. What will you have? There’s some beers, I could make you a mixed drink, or there’s a bottle of red in here too.”

Adam smiled at the way Nigel seemed to be making himself at home in the Buchwald’s liquor supply. He knew they kept a lot more inside, and that the stuff outside was mostly for guests anyway. Either way, he never would have had the gall to get a drink for himself. He had a feeling if he had tried, it would have irked Beth’s father. But somehow, he didn’t think the old man would care too much that Nigel helped himself.

“I’ll have some wine, please,” Adam requested.

“Wine it is,” Nigel said, reaching down to retrieve the bottle.

Adam settled on the stool opposite Nigel standing at the bar.

“Trouble sleeping?” Nigel asked, handing a glass of dark red wine to Adam over the bar top.

“I like to read at night,” He explained. “Away from everybody. It’s peaceful,”

Nigel’s eyes stayed trained on Adam as he took a slip from his vodka. He exhaled as he set the drink on the bar.

“You don’t get much peace elsewhere?” Nigel asked.

Adam shrugged. “Not too much these days. Once we go back to normal-”

“You mean once you are married?” Nigel interrupted.

Adam nodded. “Yeah. Once we are married, we can go back home and things will be better.”

Nigel thought about this. He wondered if Adam truly believed that, or if he was just telling himself it. Either way, it wasn’t the rosiest of outlooks for the beginning of a marriage.

“Do you think Beth wants to go back to normal?” He asked after a silence.

Adam seemed a little surprised by the question.

“I hope so. Why? Why wouldn’t she?” Adam asked, furrowing his brow.

“Well, I don’t know. Do you know what she wants out of a marriage? Have you asked her?”

Adam shook his head, readjusting himself on the stool.

“No.”

“It seems to me like you might want to,” Nigel said gently. “She might want a life of parties, of travel, of children. Do you want that? To be her date to every event for the rest of your lives?”

Adam shivered. No, he didn’t. But there was always compromises to be made, they always made deals and figured out how to make them both happy.

“I don’t want children,” Adam said at length.

“Yeah, fucking nightmares,” Nigel laughed, before rummaging in his pile of clothes to pull out a pack of cigarettes.

Adam was feeling jittery, not liking the conversation. He didn’t like the inklings of doubt dripping from the back of his brain. It slithered over him, like a snake with glowing ember eyes. It felt wrong, and he felt guilty for even feeling it. If he were being honest with himself, Nigel wasn’t the bearer of doubt, wasn’t the catalyst. He’d felt it before, when she’d fall asleep before him and he’d lay awake listening to her breathing. Marriage made a lot of sense at the time, when they first discussed it. But as they drew closer to the day, Adam struggled with a coldness towards her and her family. A resentment, and an overwhelming feeling of claustrophobia.

“Do you think her parents will ever like me?” Adam asked, speaking his fears out loud.

“Fuck what her parents think,” Nigel growled, surprising Adam with his venom. “They’re ignorant, and self-absorbed. You don’t need anyone’s fucking approval, especially not theirs.”

“I thought you liked them,” Adam said softly, feeling a comradery between them growing.

Nigel laughed, raising his glass. “I like their fucking hospitality.”

Adam met his eyes, a smile pulling at his lips. He was pleased, somehow, about Nigel’s opinion of the parents. Like he saw what Adam saw in them. Nigel smiled back at him, leaning against the bar top.

“But I would not want my horse hitched to that carriage forever,” He spoke softly. It drew Adam in.

Adam sighed, taking a sip from his almost forgotten wine.

“Once we go back to the city I won’t have to see them as much,” he said.

“Except on every birthday, holiday…vacation,” Nigel mused.

“Well what would you have me do then? She can’t just cut them off,” Adam snapped, not liking thinking about the rest of his life spent in their company.

“No, no she cannot,” Nigel said, keeping the second part of his response to himself. _You can cut her off_. It hung in the air between them anyway.

Adam looked up at the sky.

“Venus is out tonight,” he said softy, absorbing the plant’s brighter twinkle in the night sky. That was one thing he liked about the suburbs. Less light pollution to look up at the stars.

“Tell me about Venus,” Nigel implored, taking another long sip from his drink.

Adam smiled, “Well, it’s named after the Roman goddess of love and beauty. It’s the second-brightest natural object in the night sky after the Moon, reaching an apparent magnitude of −4.6…”

Nigel listened intently, interrupting him only to ask questions and for clarification. They stayed in the bar, Nigel standing at the corner’s edge, listening to Adam sat on the stool, pointing up at the night sky. He excitedly discussed his favorite theories and knowledge about the planets, and Nigel enjoyed listening to what made him excited.

“What’s your favorite star?” Nigel asked in a brief silence.

Adam paused to think about this. “I like them all, I don’t have a favorite,”

“But if you had to choose, gun to your head, which star would you choose?” Nigel pushed with a toothy smile.

“Ok. Ok. If a man with a gun asked me for my favorite star, I would have to say the sun because it does so much for all the planets,”

Nigel smiled at his explanation, “fair enough.”

“Buuut,” Adam retracted, “if I were given more time to think about it, maybe I would say Canopus. The luminosity makes it the second-brightest star in the night sky despite its distance from Earth. One estimate says that if Canopus were placed in the location of Sirius, Canopus would easily outshine all the other stars in the sky.”

“Hmm,” Nigel responded, looking up at the sky, and then down to Adam’s wide eyes.

When Adam looked back at him, his eyes fell easily to his lips. Nigel tilted his head in a fraction of an inch, a subtle invitation simmering. Adam licked his lips, a flutter heavy in his stomach. He nearly leaned in too, almost caught in the moment.

But he blinked a few times, and then leaned back in his chair. This was getting to dangerous territory, and he was surprising himself by how aroused he was. He knew he probably shouldn’t vocalize it, but he fiercely wondered if Nigel felt it too.


	5. Chapter 5

Adam sat in the living room, house to himself. Nigel was at work, and Beth went to the venue to talk to the coordinator about lighting issues. She had stopped inviting him to come along some time ago, but he didn’t mind. These days, her company grated on him. It was like he was noticing her dismissive behavior, noticing her ignore him. He was starting to see how invisible he had become.

Sitting on that couch, he stared at the globe. It spun under its light, catching and reflecting it around the room. This new attraction to someone else felt dangerous, felt like it was unplugging carefully arranged plans, rearranging and pulling apart something so carefully built. He wasn’t so much worried about ending up with someone else, especially someone like Nigel. Someone warm, protective. Open and listening.

But it was the leaving Beth part that dropped iron into the pit of his stomach. She was safe, she had been so ingrained in his life that removing her seemed like the last option to cause lasting stability for himself. Didn’t he just want to go back to normal? It was getting harder to remember what that meant exactly anymore. It was even harder to remember if normalcy had been making him happy to begin with. Happiness wasn’t a concept he’d thought he wasn’t achieving until he felt it with someone else.

Nigel made him happy, made him feel listened to, important. He seemed like a man with edges recently softened by the passing of trauma. He barely spoke about his past, and Adam didn’t’ feel it was his place to ask. But he did know he was divorced, and maybe still angry about that. Maybe he wasn’t even interested in Adam. Maybe all this flirting was all in Adam’s head. Maybe each smile, each joke wasn’t meant to be seen a flirtation, but a friendship.

* * *

That next night, Adam found himself sitting in the basement again, this time his nerves alive. He knew Nigel was out there swimming. His book sat forgotten in his lap, as he listened to the quiet splashing outside the window. He wanted to go out to talk again, but he was remembering their last conversation. One which ended in Nigel promising to help him learn to dance. The idea was terrifying, and he wasn’t looking forward to Nigel making good on the promise.

It had come up over a conversation in the car. He had mentioned he was nervous about the day for a lot of reasons, but one of them was dancing with Beth in front of everyone. He didn’t know how to do anything more than sway back and forth. Nigel had laughed out loud and called him precious. Adam had blushed at the accusation, but Nigel laughed it off, promising the next chance he got, he would put on the radio and teach him a move or two.

Adam’s eyes widened when Nigel walked into the room, carrying two bottles of wine. He had on slacks, with a button up displaying a dog pattern. His hair was still wet from his swim, and he walked across the room to the bar top and mini kitchen on the other side of the basement.

“I believe I owe you a dance lesson,” Nigel greeted.

Adam swallowed hard.

“What’s the wine for?” He asked, watching as Nigel searched in the drawers for a bottle opener.

“For fun, of course,” he said with a smile, holding up a corkscrew.

Nigel retrieved two glasses from a cabinet, filling them with dark red wine. He crossed the room, handing one of the glasses to Adam.

“Finish that, and we dance,” He said, holding his gaze.

Adam nodded, taking the glass and drinking from it. He didn’t know why he was so nervous to dance with Nigel, but something about it made butterflies burst through his chest.

“So what’s your song?” He asked, taking out his phone.

Adam frowned. “I don’t know. Beth didn’t tell me.”

Nigel snorted, of course she didn’t.

“Well, I’ll just put on the radio and see what plays.” Nigel decided.

He crossed over to the large stereo and speakers in the corner by the sofas. He shifted his weight on the plush carpet, fiddling with the sound system. After a minute or so, he got it working. The radio played rock and roll, which Nigel promptly turned way down. He then changed the channel with a chuckle.

“Not sure Led Zeppelin is the vibe you’re going for,” he said.

The next station spoke rapidly in Spanish. Nigel changed it again, landing on a station blaring the heavy base of a hip-hop song. He moved on quickly from that, as Adam watched, glass in hand. He was trying to drink it as quickly as possible, wanting to follow Nigel’s instructions to finish. Nigel finally chose a station playing soft guitar and a whispering voice.

“There, that’s at least slow,” He said, turning to look at Adam.

“You ready?” He asked.

Adam nodded, finishing the last of his wine in a couple gulps. Nigel chuckled that.

“Liquid courage?” He asked.

Adam’s brow furrowed. “No, this is wine.”

Nigel nodded with a laugh. “Right. Well, a new song is starting,” he said, holding out his hand with a nod towards the makeshift dance floor in the middle of the spacious basement. Nigel had pushed back the stool and ottoman to make room for them to dance.

Adam set down his glass on the coffee table. He took Nigel’s out stretched hand, who guided him to the center of the room.

Nigel’s hand came to the base of Adam’s back, pulling him in close. Adam smelled the chlorine and nicotine on the other man, along with something woodsy and spiced. Keeping their hands holding, Nigel used his other hand to move Adam’s onto his shoulder. They began to sway as the opening lyrics trickled over the system.

_And I’d give up forever to touch you _

_And I know that you feel me some how _

_You’re the closest to heaven that I’ll ever be _

_And I don’t want to go home right now _

They swayed close, bodies pressed against each other. Adam moved stiffly, feeling a heat rising in him as they moved to the soft guitar.

“Listen to the beat, gorgeous,” Nigel husked, lips dangerously close to Adam’s ear. “Feel the music.”

Adam tried to relax as Nigel took the lead, showing him how to. When he stepped back, he pulled Adam forward. When he stepped forward, he pushed Adam gently with his body. When they slowed, Nigel leaned his chin against Adam’s temple.

_And I don’t want the world to see me_

_Cause I don’t think that they’d understand_

_When everything’s made to be broken _

_I just want you to know who I am _

Adam found himself enjoying the song, enjoying being close to Nigel. They moved around the room to the beat of the music, swaying and holding onto one another. Nigel separated them gently, to give Adam a small twirl before pulling him back close. Adam had thought he would feel a silly taking the girl’s part, but he was enjoying it. It felt natural, easy. Nigel guided them with confidence, moving their bodies and holding onto him.

Nigel was finding it all too enjoyable, liking the way Adam fit perfectly in his arms. When he spun them as the tempo picked up, Adam let out a trickle of a laugh, which saturated into Nigel. The kid was moving easily now and smiling something wide.

_And I don’t want the world to see me_

_Cause I don’t think that they’d understand_

_When everything’s made to be broken _

_I just want you to know who I am _

Adam’s heart was in his throat when he looked up to see Nigel looking down at him. His eyes were soft, glowing, absorbed into Adam’s. Adam’s eyes slipped down to Nigel’s lips, thin and pursed. An urge inside him pushed him to lean in and close the distance, but he didn’t. He closed his eyes and leaned against Nigel’s shoulder. He was bewildered by his growing sexual arousal, not having felt it in a long time. With Beth it didn’t feel this hot under his skin. It didn’t crawl around in his belly and make him feel light headed.

“This is nice,” Adam hummed.

“Good,” Nigel’s voice was soft, and he closed his own eyes as they swayed in each other’s arms until the end of the song. They pulled apart as the song changed but neither one let go of the other’s hand.

“I feel better about dancing now,” Adam said at length, not liking the feeling of them being separated. But needing it, to clear his head. This was new, it was also very dangerous. He needed to think.

“We need a bit more practice. You can take the lead next song?” Nigel offered, letting go of Adam’s hand to retrieve the opened bottle of wine.

Adam shook his head.

“No, I’d like to go to sleep now,” He said, voice a distant monotone, before bending for his book, and turning to leave. He didn’t even look up to see Nigel’s frown.

“Goodnight,” He called over his shoulder as he scurried up the stairs, leaving a mildly disappointed, but slightly satisfied Nigel.

Because the look on Adam’s face, the touch. He could tell that whatever pull he felt, Adam felt it too. He wasn’t sure if he was just fooling himself earlier. The whole swim he tried not to think of the lingering eye contact and shy smile. But there in that room, when he looked at his lips and brushed his tongue softly over his own. Nigel could have kissed him right then. And he could see it in Adam’s face, he wanted it too. That’s why he rushed out of the room, he needed to take a step back and analyze. Now the only question was, would Adam do anything about it?

Nigel thought about this question as he readied himself for bed. He climbed onto the double mattress, under the sheet and looked up at the ceiling.

Nigel didn’t want Adam to be unhappy, and he could see unhappiness pouring out of him. Could hear it in his stifled voice, see it in his downward glances and nervous ticks. Adam was always on edge, constantly drumming his fingers against his legs and spacing out. He would just disappear from a conversation, and it was like none of the other three even noticed he was gone. It made Nigel want to shout over them to shut the fuck up. For one fucking minute and listen to that sweet voice.

But was he unhappy with Beth, when they were home together? That question nagged at him. Who was he to say her love for him wasn’t real? By the way they barely spoke, it was hard to tell what she looked like when she wasn’t in full bridal panic mode. Maybe things would go back to normal for him once they moved back into their own space. But there was still her family, the way they looked down their noses at him, like he wasn’t the fucking smartest person in the fucking room. Either way, what life did he have to offer him that was so much better? Since when was he the type of man to settle down?

That thought jolted him. Because the image of them “settled down” in his minds eyes was something so painfully desired it shocked him. Them cuddled up together, Adam wearing his oversized sweater. In their own house, with plants and space art. When they went on vacation, Nigel would show Adam the world. Nigel was a wealthy, well connected person with eyes only for pulling wide smiles across that wonder of a face. And while he didn’t have the same notorious lifestyle he used to, he could still afford to take Adam anywhere he wanted to go.

He’d dropped most of his bad habits after he left Bucharest. He left the life of abusing and selling drugs years ago, even if Beth thought otherwise. He escaped death and the country, started over with a couple million dollars and a broken heart in New York City. Working some random jobs for Darko and drinking away his days. Which was when he met Beth.

He wasn’t a stellar boyfriend, but she gave him a purpose. Helped him better himself. He tried to polish his rough edges while he was with her. He carried a profuse sadness around with him, a brokenness inside him, that stopped him from fully letting her in. She had fallen so completely in love with him before he was ready to let go of Gabi just yet. So, he broke things off and left the city. He needed a change of scenery. Even though he still wanted to pursue Adam, he felt a soft sense of guilt for re-entering Beth’s life just to fuck her over again.

It was nearly three in the morning when a creek in the floor board outside his room woke him. Alert in an instant, he pulled himself out of bed when the footsteps stopped outside his door. For a wild moment he wished he had his gun, tucked away in the trunk of his car, useless.

A couple soft knocks and the door made Nigel tilt his head in curiosity. The tension left his neck. Who else would come knocking at this hour? He didn’t even bother putting on a sleep shirt and shuffled over in just his black sleep pants.

Adam nearly looked startled when the door opened.

“Adam,” Nigel hummed. “Come in,” he said in welcome, like he had been expecting him. He stepped back into his dark room, the shadows pouring yellow over his tan features.

Adam swallowed, staring at Nigel’s glowing eyes in the darkened hallway, drawn into Nigel’s almost predatory energy.

Adam was there for one reason, and that was to settle to himself and to Nigel that something might be happening between them. He couldn’t discern whether he was reading into things, misreading Nigel’s intentions. But he felt this growing fascination with wondering what would happen were they to kiss. If he took those few steps between them. Eyes trained on parted lips, hands coming to hold the sides of Nigel’s neck. If he were to give into to the constant itching desire just for one moment. Live outside the suffocating air surrounding all the Buchwalds. If he could just put Beth down, just long enough so that Nigel can scoop him up. Slam him against the wall and take exactly what Adam was thirsting to give.

Adam shut the door behind him, and turned to Nigel, standing a breath away.

“How can I help you?” Nigel husked, eyes lingering on pale skin.

“I, uh, I wanted to thank you,” Adam said, barely over a whisper.

“For what?” Nigel asked, taking a step forward.

“For everything,” Adam said softy. “You’re making the whole process of getting married a lot easier.”

Nigel frowned at that. Because he didn’t want to be making this easier for Adam, he wanted to make marrying someone else a lot harder. Despite his words, Adam took another step forward towards Nigel, drifting as if pulled in without him noticing.

“Were you sexually aroused when we were dancing?” Adam asked abruptly. “Because I was. A-And I was wondering if you felt it too.”

Nigel took in his breath sharply, touched by the man’s ability to seek honest, open communication. He took another step, standing toe to toe with him now. He reached both hands to the sides of Adam’s jaw.

“Yes.”

Within seconds Nigel was leaning in, taking what he should have in the basement. Their lips skimmed softly, with an urgency behind each slip of tongue. This was something fleeting, as gracefully as it came together, it still felt like a crashing inside Adam. Because he was open and hungry for him in a way Beth never had come close to. The way nobody had come close to. He felt wanted in a way that was at once overwhelming and desperately desired.

Nigel’s hands ran down to clutch at his back and pin him closer. He crowded against him until he was walked backwards against the closed door. He drew hungry lines of gliding tongue that Adam traced.

“Wait, wait,” Adam panted. “We can’t.”

Nigel growled, challenging the notion. “We can do anything you want, gorgeous,” he purred, moving to place long, wet kisses in a trail down his neck. He massaged his hands at Adam’s sides, dipping under the fabric to touch his warm skin.

But Adam took a deep breath and pulled himself out of Nigel’s grip. He let their hands stay together, though, between them.

“Right now, it doesn’t matter what I want. We can’t do anything because I’m engaged to someone else,”

“Darling, we just did something,” Nigel informed him, wanting nothing more than to get back to that something.

Adam just looked hard back at him, willing him to understand the position he was in.

“Ok, fine, you’re right.” Nigel relented. “But you’re the one who came to my bedroom at 3 in the fucking morning all wide-eyed and fucking red lipped talking about being sexually aroused. You were just fucking asking to be kissed.” He leaned in closer, voice going lower. “Your body was, I could fucking feel it. Like I feel it right now.”

Nigel took a suggestive step forward, and Adam sighed, closed his eyes, and rested his palms against Nigel’s chest. It was both grip and wall. A please don’t leave and please don’t push.

“Give me time to think about this. I just had to know how you felt, I’m not good at reading people-” Adam started. 

“Really? Cause you read me like a fucking book, gorgeous. Reeled me in hook, line and sinker,” he purred, moving to place his hands on either side of Adam’s hip.

“I didn’t…I wasn’t intending to reel anything in when we first met,” Adam almost broke his monotone delivery. Speaking this honesty out loud sent a shiver through him.

Nigel dipped his head to move his lips to Adam’s ears.

“And now? Do you intend to reel?” Nigel rumbled, dropping to skim his bottom lip along Adam’s neck.

“I-I intend to talk to my fiancé about this,” he said, closing his eyes.

The mention of Beth again had Nigel deflating a bit, realizing he was trying to desperately cross a line Adam wasn’t nearly ready for. He had a sympathy for Beth in that way, wanting something so ravenously while the other person had preoccupations of other people. Always other people. The fucking love, man.

Nigel tried not to look hurt when he pulled away.

“I understand,” he said, feeling sick at how green his insides began to glow towards Beth.

“I-I have to go back to bed now. This is already a big breach to my sleep schedule,” Adam mumbled, worrying the hem of his t-shirt in his fingers.

“You go figure yourself out, darling. And then come back to me,” It was more imploring then he had wanted it to sound, but the message sank into Adam. The clear choice he was offering, a way out, a promise.

“I have to talk to Beth about it,” Adam sighed.

He couldn’t jump so easily from lover to lover, at least not while he considered himself her fiancé. It made something about their exchanges feel dirty. Adam just wanted to wash all of it away and stand somewhere he felt he could breath. Right now, it wasn’t in conversations with Beth, in falling asleep next to her without speaking, in waking up to an empty bed. He had no idea how lonely he’d become in their relationship until he saw Nigel. Until someone came around and reminded him how to be passionate again, struck a match within him. It felt burning, and inevitable, like Nigel was sucked into his orbit just at the right time to wake him up.

“Tomorrow’s the bachelor’s party. You’re going to need your beauty rest.”

Adam nodded. “Right. Well…goodnight, Nigel,” Adam said, not turning to leave just yet. Because Nigel was already leaning back in, stealing one last take-me-with-you kiss, before they pulled apart.

Adam stumbled backwards, nearly knocking into the opened bedroom door. He smiled something shy before turning and scurrying down the hall back to his own bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm a sucker for Iris by the Goo Goo Dolls <3


	6. Chapter 6

Adam woke up to Beth stirring in the morning. It was nearly 8 a.m. and her alarm was going off.

She rolled over to snooze it, and then lay awake in bed. Adam though she might be sleeping until he heard her sigh. He peaked one eye open and saw her looking at him. He blinked a few times.

“Good morning,” he greeted, groggy toned.

She looked up at the ceiling. “So. If I asked you where you went last night at three in the morning, would you tell me the truth?”

Adam blinked a few times, remembering what had happened last night. Remembering the conversation and the hushed kissing. He blushed slightly as he slid himself up into a seated position.

“We need to talk about Nigel,” Adam said at length.

Beth sighed. She had a feeling it would be about him.

“You went to see Nigel last night?”

Adam nodded slowly, feel the anxiety rise to a pinch in his chest. He was not looking forward to what he was about to say.

“Did you two fuck?” She asked, a slight joke in her tone.

“What? No! No, we only kissed!” Adam defended quickly.

Beth’s eyes widened and she looked at him quickly. “What? You what?” She demanded.

Adam’s eyes widened. “Oh you were joking when you asked if we fucked.” He realized out loud.

She stood up out of bed, crossed her arms.

“You fucking kissed him?”

Adam swallowed.

“I’d been thinking about kissing him a lot lately. Every time I see him. And I knew if he felt the same way, I would have to tell you about it. So I went to his room to ask him, and then he kissed me.”

“This is un-fucking-believable. A week before my goddamn wedding and you cheat on me.”

“I didn’t cheat Beth, it was just at kiss. We didn’t have sex,” Adam emphasized.

She crossed the room. “Christ, I can’t believe I have to explain this to you,” she growled, starting to get dressed.

Adam frowned. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means nothing Adam. It means,” She threw up her hands. “you should fucking know better than that. Kissing someone you’re not engaged to is cheating.”

Adam was silent. He knew this, he knew this before he went to Nigel’s room. He hadn’t planned on acting sexual that night and he didn’t. For the most part.

“Sometimes I think my parents are right about you,” She said to herself as she was stepping into her jeans.

Her words felt like a dagger to his stomach. He felt cold, nauseated by the waves of anxiety rolling over him.

“They think I’m stupid,” he said flatly.

“They do not,” She tried to defend them, but Adam laughed over her loudly.

“Oh of course they do, Beth! Don’t give me that. At least give me credit when I do pick up on social ques. They think I’m a simpleton and that I’m going to ruin your life. Is that what you think too? Because if you do, then we have a lot bigger issues then Nigel.”

The words felt cathartic, as frantic as they sounded. It was a release just to stand up for himself. To channel the way Nigel looks at him, the way he thinks about him.

“I am not having this argument with you right now,” she snapped, pulling a t-shirt on before grabbing her keys off the dresser.

“Where are you going?” He asked.

“I have to meet the florist,” She said shortly, stepping into her shoes.

Adam looked around the room for a second, confused and frustrated.

“I’ll be home later. Try not to kiss anyone else while’s I’m gone,” she growled, slamming the door shut behind her.


	7. Chapter 7

Nigel woke up to the tail end of his phone buzzing. He grumbled and pushed his head under the pillow, not ready to wake up just yet. It wasn’t until his phone buzzed in two short chirps did he grunt and dig himself out of the pillows. He searched for the phone on the bedside table and looked groggily down at the screen.

1 New Voicemail

He unlocked his phone, dialed one. 

“Hello Nigel. I wanted to tell you that I asked Beth about having a bachelor’s party with you, and she said she thinks it couldn’t be a good idea, but if I wanted to I could go ahead. So I want to go ahead. Ok. Thanks. This is Adam, by the way. Adam Raki. Ok. I also told her we kissed and she said to not do it again. Ok, goodbye.”

Nigel hung up the phone and dropped it on the bed with a grumble. Last night almost felt like a dream, Adam appearing out of nowhere, hungry to kiss him again and again. Well at least he had that question answered. And now it was up to Nigel to throw him a very memorable bachelor’s party. He had already cased out a few different establishments, and had decided on the perfect one. A new hipster bar right on the edge of the town. It had soft lighting, a quieter crowd, while maintaining an upscale vibe.

* * *

Adam was surprised when Nigel pulled into the parking lot of his favorite bar.

“How did you know?” He asked, with a smile in his tone.

Nigel laughed. “I know everything,” he teased.

In actuality Nigel had visited nearly ten different establishments, looking for the right vibe for the evening. He knew Adam wanted somewhere quieter, so all his own favorite clubs were out of the question. He selected this one because of the quiet, young crowd. Not boring, the ambiance still had a pulse. But instead of loud music, the old school jukebox played classic hits, and instead of a large dance floor there were a few pool tables and a dart board. It was still earlier in the evening so that meant a lot of the bar being open and accessible. As his eyes scanned for a place to sit, they widened when they landed on a familiar face. 

“Harlan!” Adam greeted enthusiastically, rushing towards the older man. Nigel trailed behind with a smile, glad Adam seemed to be enjoying the extra surprise.

“Well hey there stranger!” Harlan greeted, wrapping Adam up in a bear hug.

“I didn’t know you would be here!” Adam said, a smile beaming in his voice.

“Nigel called me, said he’s throwing you a bachelor’s party. As the best man I figured I should show up,” Harlan chuckled something rumbling.

Harlan had selected the last stools at the bar, sitting in the stool three down from the wall displaying a Guinness poster. A little more private then the front of the bar, where they would be able to talk over the murmuring crowd. Adam sat in the middle, and Nigel took the wall seat.

“How have you been, Adam?” Harlan asked, as the two took the stools next to him.

Adam leaned on the sticky bar top. “Good.” He said, politely. 

“Big day’s only a few days away now.” Harlan said, with a friendly pat on his back.

Adam internally flinched at that. He was trying not to think about his fight with Beth that morning. All day, he went between thinking of Nigel’s soft mouth, their exchange in the dark, and then of the cold way Beth kissed him this morning. The kiss wasn’t out of the ordinary, it felt like almost all of their exchanges in the past. But somehow this time she felt miles away. And her flat words of forgiveness, after saying she thought her parents were right about him. It was all too much to process, and he just wanted to have a goodnight out with Nigel.

“Where’d you go, Adam?” Harlan asked, familiar with Adam losing himself in thought sometimes. But he didn’t like the small frown perched on Adam’s lips. Harlan knew him well enough to tell something was off with him. It wasn’t until Nigel excused himself for the bathroom did Harlan squeeze it out of him.

“Alright, while Blondie’s in the bathroom, you wanna tell me what’s really going on with you?” Harlan asked.

Adam sighed. He didn’t want to lie to Harlan, but he didn’t know where to start. He knew Blondie was referring to Nigel though, so he didn’t have a lot of time to say it all before he came back.

“Beth’s parents hate me,” he blurted out.

Harlan frowned. “They do?”

“They think I’m stupid, treat me like I’m not even in the room. Like I’m not worthy of their precious daughter. And this morning after I told Beth Nigel kissed me, she said-”

“He what!?”

Adam didn’t miss a beat. “Oh yeah, so I was starting to have feelings for Nigel, like my chest feeling very tight whenever he’s close and I get happier when he’s around. I feel a pull towards him, like magnets. So I went to his room to see if he felt it too when I couldn’t take wondering about it anymore. And he kissed me when I asked if he was sexually aroused.”

Harlan’s jaw was hanging open, his eyes wide.

“Alright, let’s order some drinks!” Nigel announced himself.

Harlan turned his shocked look to Nigel. Without stopping himself, he stated the obvious. “You kissed him.” It came out as an accusation.

Nigel’s face fell a touch. “He kissed me back,” he argued casually.

Harlan looked back at Adam. “And you told Beth?”

Adam nodded, “And she said she thinks her family is right about me.”

“She fucking said _what_?” Nigel asked.

“That she thinks her family is right about me,” Adam repeated.

“That’s a load of fucking shit, darling.” Nigel growled.

Harlan looked between them, back and forth, before raising his eyebrows and shaking his head.

“Adam, you need to fix this,” He advised. “You don’t wanna walk down that isle with anything hanging over your shoulders.”

Nigel frowned, thinking of Adam at the front of the alter of some big church, waiting for his blushing bride. It leaked something green and cold into his core.

“Now I definitely need a drink,” Harlan huffed, before turning back to the bar. He was taking the news rather well, probably not wanting to stress out Adam. Internally, he was doing backflips of freaking out, not sure about this Nigel character, and definitely not sure about Beth anymore.

Nigel attempted to steer the evening away from anything heavy, determined to win Harlan’s approval. He wanted the best man to like him, knew it would help his chances. By ten o’clock, he had Harlan howling with laughter, recounting a few stories about his time in the army as a very young man. Over that the two bonded, and while Harlan served his whole life, becoming a decorated veteran, Nigel dropped out only a year into it, choosing a life on the other side of the law. He left that part out, though.

By that time, many more people had come in, and the bar was crowded. Harlan soon said his goodbyes, once again warning Adam to sort out his business. He shook Nigel’s hand, hugged Adam, and left the two alone. Which suited Nigel just perfectly.

“So, angel, can I get you another drink?” Adam immediately noted the change in tone. Something a touch deeper, slower. It fluttered through him. He was suddenly aware of how one on one they were. He had all of Nigel’s attention. While he loved watching his animated story telling, the way his face light up and talked with his hands, the intimacy about this landed something warm in his belly.

He was already feeling a little looser in the head, after the two glasses of fruity mixed drinks Nigel was ordering him. But he nodded yes anyway, because for the first time the alcohol felt good in his system, making him flush warmer, smile easier. Usually it just made him feel like he talked too slow, or couldn’t keep up with a conversation. But talking to Nigel was the easier thing in the world. It was almost mesmerizing, the way they both leaned into the conversation, caught in their own world for a moment.

“So I want to play a game,” Nigel prompted, voice low.

“I’m not very good at pool,” Adam warned.

“No, a drinking game, gorgeous. One we played back in Bucharest. It’s called Liar. You state something about yourself, and have the chance to bluff or tell the truth. Then I state if I believe you or not. Next you reveal if it was a lie. If you lied and I believed you, I drink. If I didn’t believe you and you were telling the truth, I drink. But if I didn’t believe you and you weren’t telling the truth, you drink. You get it?”

Adam was smiling. “No.” he shook his head.

Nigel laughed. “Ok it will make more fucking sense once we play it. It’s really easy. Ok. So you go first. Say something about yourself that is either a lie, or true.”

“Mhm,” Adam thought about this, then said. “My favorite food is macaroni and cheese.”

Nigel laughed. “Well that’s fucking easy, Adam, I’ve spent the last two weeks with you. That’s all you fucking eat. You drink.”

Adam laughed out loud, warmed by Nigel’s easy recognition. He took a sip from his glass.

“Ok you’re turn. Say a possibly true fact.”

Nigel nodded, keeping a straight face as he said “I got my tattoo after I moved to America.”

Adam’s eyes flicked down to the ink of the dancing woman. She was barely clothed, her arms above her head in a seductive, sideways pose.

“It looks older than that. You only came here a few years ago. That looks like you got it as a much younger man.”

“Damn, are you calling me old?” Nigel asked, a smirk pulling at his smile.

“No, Nigel, I’m calling you out. See, now you have to drink.”

Nigel shook his head. “He’s good,” and took a swig of his beer. “Ok. You’re turn, gorgeous.”

“Ok. Umm. I have to fold my clothes every night before I go to bed,” Then he held up a finger, “even if I’m having sex with Beth.”

Nigel barked a surprised laugh. “Even during sex? No. I’m going to call liar on that one.”

Adam’s laugh was soft as he shook his head. “Drink, Nigel.”

“It’s _true_?” He asked in an astonished laugh.

Adam nodded with a wide smile. “Beth hates it.” And that made Nigel laugh something genuine, the gleeful way Adam said it.

“One thing’s fucking for sure, darling, with me you won’t be thinking about your fucking clothes for one second,” he said, insinuation in his assertiveness. 

Adam gasped something small. He was aroused by the sureness of his words, as if Nigel was suggesting it it was a matter of when, and not if, they were to become that intimate. A shiver ran through him.

“Is that a fact?” Adam wondered out loud, flirtation easier then it ever was before.

“Well it sure fucking wasn’t a lie.” Nigel chuckled.

They were leaning in close by now, and Adam couldn’t help flick his eyes down to Nigel’s lips.

“When we kissed…” Adam said, swallowing drily. “You’re like electricity to me.”

Nigel leaned an inch closer, running his nose gently up Adam’s cheek. “Mhm, I feel that too, darling.”

“Y-you do?” Adam asked small.

“Let me show you,” Nigel purred low in his ear, before raising both hands to the side of Adam’s neck.

Then Adam was pulled into a hot, searching kiss. Adam’s lips parted for Nigel’s tongue, which traced soft, wet lines against Adam’s. The contact dropped hot iron through Adam, who melted into the embrace. He gasped softly, hands coming to hold onto his chest.

"Fuck," Nigel husked, pulling only a breath away. "You don’t know what you fucking do to me."

Adam glowed at that, feeling light headed at the words. He leaned back in, his mouth opening against Nigel's lips. Their tongues met, pressed, danced in dizzying patterns against one another. Nigel's hands came to Adam's waist, pulling him nearly off his stool in an attempt to get closer.

"What I would do to you, the pleasure I would show you," he hummed, eyes closed, gently running his nose along Adams cheek.

Adam whined low in response. The alcohol blurring his thoughts, all he could think of his how desperately he wanted that. Whatever Nigel promised in whispers, Adam hungrily longed for. To be pressed into, to be taken.

"Please," was all he could whimper, before Nigel caught him up in another kiss. This one slow, languid, searching and pulling.

Nigel pulled away before the kiss could become anymore frantic. He stood from his stool, hand intertwining with Adam's. Before the younger man knew what was happening, he was being led through the crowd.

They moved quickly together towards the exit. The night air was cool on Adam's sweaty skin as they left the bar. Nigel lead them through the dark parking lot until they got to his car. He was parked in the furthest spot, a tall, windowless building to the other side of his car.

Nigel guided them to the other side of the vehicle, shielding them from any prying eyes. He wasted no time turning Adam to press him against the side of the car. His hands grabbing everywhere, their mouths came together again. This time frantic, unbridled hunger.

"I want you, Adam," he growled against his lips. "I want to fuck you until you see constellations."

To emphasis this, he pressed his groin into Adam's, pinning him against the car. He grinded forward, pulling a helpless moan from Adam.

"Nigel," Adam was breathless, head spinning and arousal growing by the second.

"Do you want me, gorgeous? I'll take you right fucking here."

He lowered his hand to palm suggestively at Adam's increasing hardness. Adam bucked up into the pressing hand, a groan rumbling through him. Nigel ran his palm from base to head through Adam's slacks.

Adam exhaled shakily. "We can't." He said helplessly.

Nigel pulled back completely. He paused for a second, searching Adam’s face.

“Don’t marry her, Adam,” He said plainly, speaking the thoughts out loud before he could stop himself. “Even if you don’t want to be with me, you deserve so much more than how she treats you.”

Adam’s body froze, the words finally spoken out loud feeling cold against his thoughts. He pulled away from Nigel, upset.

“I…I think I want to go home now, Nigel,” He said, his voice falling into monotone.

Nigel let go of him all together, dipping his head and closing his eyes with a tight sigh.

“Alright.”

They separated and climbed into the car. The drive back was silent, both lost in their own thoughts. Adam’s going a mile a minute, wanting both to get away from Nigel so he could think straight, and to follow him up to his bedroom and finish what they started in the parking lot. He couldn’t stop thinking about what he asked, how blatantly and easily he spoke Adam’s biggest anxiety out loud.

Because it was becoming increasingly obvious to him how much he didn’t want to marry Beth. How if someone could sink so much doubt into his heart within a couple weeks, then maybe their relationship wasn’t as strong as it needed to be. Before, marriage seemed like the easiest step, but now forever stretched for miles and all Adam could think of was her cold kiss. Her distant look, her uninterested hands. Then he thought of Nigel so warm and hungry for him. It was just too much.

Because the wedding was days away, and he was never one to change the schedule. The idea of changing something so fundamental so suddenly twisted fear deep in his belly. A nauseating revolt against change rocked him, made him feel shaky and paper thin.

Nigel was trying to think of something to say the whole drive. Words of encouragement, wanting to beg, to take it back, to ask Adam what thoughts were clearly going a mile a minute in that beautiful brain. But instead he stayed quiet, even when he felt Adam’s small, warm hand take his over the console. He could feel the slight tremors in the younger man. He squeezed his own fingers around Adam’s, wanting to convey the strength he didn’t seem to have himself.

Adam didn’t say anything when they parked, or when they got out of the car. Nigel’s heart was sinking as they made their silent way up to the large front doors. Adam didn’t even turn to say goodnight, only made his silent way up the front staircase to his bedroom, a rock heavy in his heart.


	8. Chapter 8

“You didn’t pick up your tuxedo yet!?” Beth’s voice was nearing shrill. It was the first time she talked to him in a day, and she only asked him if he had done it. Each time Adam tried to initiate conversation with her she would excuse her self. Once she just didn't respond when he asked if they could speak. 

Adam shrunk away. “It needed to be tailored.” He told her. “We’re going today.”

“See that you do,” she growled, leaving the room before Adam could say another word. 

* * *

Adam felt caught in a storm all day. As the universe was starting to crumble around him. All his carefully laid out plans to go back to living in the city with Beth seemed to be imploding, and he was quickly learning that no matter what, going back to normal was one of the least likely options. He wanted to hide in bed all day from the fear of facing the world, but when he mentioned his final fitting to Beth she nearly had a heart attacked. She practically rushed the two of them out the door to go fetch it.

Adam felt awkward around Nigel for the first time on the car ride over. They haven’t spoken since the night before, when Nigel told him not to get married. And here they were going to get the final puzzle piece for the big day, which was in two days. Adam’s heart felt like it was full of angry bees, buzzing and beating wildly against his chest. He didn’t know what to say to Nigel, didn’t know how to act. Nigel kept the conversation light, discussing how he had to go back to the bar that morning and pay their tab, as they forgot to do that the night before. They had left in a frenzy for each other, and Nigel left his credit card with the bartender like a lovesick fool.

Once parked, they got out of the car. They were back at Stefano’s shop, and as they approached the small entrance, Nigel held the door open for Adam.

A young man in a green sweater vest greeted them at the door, introducing himself as Joey, Stefano’s apprentice. Stefano appeared soon after from the back room, bustling to the side work bench, where Adam’s tux hung on a rung.

He ushered Adam to the back room, and just like before, helped him get dressed. He fussed with the same attention, smiling to himself at his own good work. When they entered back into the main room, Nigel couldn’t take his eyes off Adam. He felt a tightness seeing Adam in the tuxedo, both wildly attractive and slightly off putting to see him dressed as a groom.

Adam smiled something small when he noticed Nigel’s attention.

“Better?” He asked, slightly self-conscious for the way Nigel was staring at him.

“You look fucking brilliant, angel,” he told him.

Adam felt his cheeks warm at the compliment.

Adam looked at himself in the mirror, his reflection catching him off guard. He officially looked like a groom, and suddenly he felt sick. It wasn’t a look he wanted to have.

“Is everything alright?” Joey asked him, noticing the frown.

“I, uh, yeah,” Adam stammered, his voice small. “I guess I’m just nervous.”

Joey walked closer to the mirror, looking at Adam through his reflection.

“Don’t be nervous, honey, you look fantastic. You know what helped me on my big day? Was practicing the vows with my husband the day before. It took away some of the surprise, but I felt much more ready for the big day. Takes the pressure off the moment,” he explained.

Adam looked at him confused. Why would he need to practice his vows? Was he supposed to write his own? His panic rose slightly. Nigel caught onto his distress and took a step forward.

“This will be great,” Joey clapped. “It’s just a fun little exercise to help you relax.” He turned to look at Nigel. “Are you the groom or best man?” He asked.

Nigel frowned. “Neither.” The words felt cold.

Joey didn’t seem to notice. “Alright, well you come here, and pretend to be…?”

“Beth,” Nigel supplied with a tight smile.

“Beth,” Joey repeated as he guided Nigel to stand in front of Adam.

“Ok I’ll be the officiant,” Joey said. “Are you ready?”

Adam stepped down from the stool to stand before Nigel.

“Do you, Beth, take Adam here, to be your lawfully wedded husband?”

Adam’s heart sank at the words, not helping him relax in the slightest. Nigel broadened his shoulders.

“In a heartbeat,” Nigel breathed. Adam’s eyes flicked to meet Nigel’s.

“And do you, Adam, take Beth, to be your lawfully wedded wife?”

Adam’s breath caught in his chest, his lungs feeling tight. No, no, no, no, no. This wasn’t right, it wasn’t right. It felt heavy and wrong.

“Adam?” Joey prompted, his smile falling.

Adam was about to have a melt-down, when Nigel took his hands.

“Let me try my vows again,” Nigel asked. “I have something to add.”

Joey looked back and forth between them, unsure what was happening between them. He shrugged anyway. “Go for it.”

Nigel took a deep breath, catching Adam’s gaze and holding it to steady him. When he spoke, it was slow, deliberate. Choosing his words carefully, he began.

“Adam, darling, you fucking deserve to be worshiped. I won’t let a single day go by where you’re not told you’re the brightest fucking planet in this whole goddamn galaxy. Knowing you has changed me, opened doors I thought were shut. I know we’ve only known each other a short time, but I recognize this feeling and I'll be fucking damned if it’s not the fucking love."

Adam was paralyzed. The words running over his brain over and over. Nigel loves me. Nigel thinks I'm a bright planet. Nigel loves me.

Joey and Stefano, who had grown quiet, suddenly broke into a light applause.

"My, what a wedding vow! That was the most moving practice ceremony I ever seen,” Joey told them, smiling wide. 

He turned to Adam expectantly, waiting to hear his response. Adam was having trouble collecting his thoughts. He looked at Nigel, who’s intense look softened. Adam’s anxiety tightened around his chest. He wanted to say exactly a million things, none of which made any sense. He settled on starting with the obvious.

"I can’t marry you," he said, surprising himself, not sure if he was still speaking to Beth or to Nigel.

Nigel looked stunned, then confused. The man in the sweater gasped.

"And why not?" Nigel challenged.

"We have nothing in common," he was thinking of the long parties, weekend after weekend he was dragged to, each one promising to be different and better for him. Each one the exact same dry, stuffy affair with the same lukewarm people. Each one ticking sharp seconds in their long pauses and disinterested smiles.

"Darling, we only need each other in common,” Nigel said with a slight smile, knowing Adam wasn’t really talking to him.

"You.” Adam said, looking at him. “You don’t love me." he accused, finally speaking the bleak words out loud. Seeing Nigel’s devotion shining bright against the pale emptiness he felt from Beth. His kisses with Beth feeling paper thin. There interactions cold and distant. Her avoidance of him now. It was like she refused to even give him a voice.

Nigel took a step forward, misreading Adam's accusation as a challenge to his authenticity. He reached for Adam's neck and immediately pulled him into a kiss. Their lips found each other quickly, Adam surprise turning into arousal. Nigel pushed a touch harder, opened his lips for a long drag against Adam's, before pulling back. He stood close, arms dropping to his sides.

Adam looked up in a daze, his heart fluttering and mind calmer. 

"You wanna get outa here?" Nigel whispered. His words felt heavy, referring to a lot more than just the bridal shop.

Adam looked up at him, tears welling with the over stimulation of emotion. Wanting nothing more than to take Nigel’s hand and leave. To run away from this timeline, to free himself from the terrifying future wound around a woman who didn’t love him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late post! It's one am and I just finished editing this chapter lol Also as of tonight the ending is finally written! I can't wait to share it with you guys. Thank you for leaving comments, they really make my day <3


	9. Chapter 9

Adam knew three things. Maybe just two.

The first was that leaving Beth wouldn’t be easy. They had all their things conjoined, they shared an apartment, they shared everything. Two, it was doable.

Nigel had been fighting his anxiety all morning, after their drive home. Every concern Adam had, Nigel had an answer to. Where will I go? Stay with me until you find a place. What will Beth do? Fuck Beth. How will I do it?

Now that was up to Adam. He could get into a fight with her, or he could just leave. He said it felt cowardly, but Nigel said it wasn’t. Sometimes all you can do is just leave. When there’s nothing left to say, when your mind is already made up.

So then the question became, when? Tomorrow evening was the rehearsal, and the rehearsal dinner. The next day, the wedding. He thought about waiting until after the rehearsal, but then the practice wedding seemed pointless. It would have to be before. Before the big rehearsal party, before the big wedding. Nigel suggested during the rehearsal half for the dramatics of it, half for the practicality. With everyone out of the house, they could quickly gather Adam’s belongings. They could go to the city and gather his stuff at Beth’s too, and then he could never have to see Beth again.

Adam’s heart raced at the idea, feeling guilty for how much relief promised him on the other side.

Beth was in bed by 8, still barely speaking to Adam. She didn’t seem hurt, more annoyed and impatient with him. Like him kissing Nigel was permission for her to treat him with an easy coldness and indifference. Adam felt like he couldn’t breath around her, thinking over his conversation with Nigel in the car ride home. He snuck down into the basement, where he knew Nigel was waiting.

“This is crazy,” Adam breathed when they pulled away from a searching kiss.

“This is what you need,” Nigel said. “No matter if you end up in my arms or not, you can’t marry her.”

“I know. But this feels like a trick. I feel dishonest.” Adam wrapped his arms around himself.

Nigel sighed and sat down on the sofa.

“It’s the easiest way for you, Adam. You don’t need to get into a fight with her or let her change your mind.”

Adam shrugged. “She won’t change my mind.” His tone was definite. He knew that no matter what, he had to get himself out of this engagement. He couldn’t believe it had taken him this long to discover how obvious that was.

“Can we go over the plan again?” Adam asked anxiously.

“Of course, darling.”

Adam took a moment to smile, feeling relieved Nigel didn’t get annoyed at him asking to go over it again. Beth used to get annoyed at him needing to rehearse situations, and it was heart-warming Nigel didn’t seem to care.

“Ok we tell everyone we’ll meet them at the church,” Adam started, speaking the words carefully.

“Right. You already told Beth you’re driving with me.”

Adam nodded. “We pack all my stuff in the house and then go to Beth’s apartment. Pack there.”

“And you’re sure you can fit it all in my car?” Nigel asked.

“Most of my stuff is in a storage unit. Beth wanted to keep all her furniture, so when I moved in we just put my stuff in storage.”

Nigel hated that, but at least it made their job a lot easier.

“Then what?” Nigel challenged.

“Then we go to your place to unpack. And I leave her a voicemail breaking up with her and I stay with you until I find my own place.” Adam said with a nod, these same words well-rehearsed.

“Or forever?” Nigel suggested with a smile, knowing Adam’s response.

Adam rolled his eyes but smiled back. “I told you. We can’t move in together yet, it’s too soon.”

“And how long is the appropriate wait length?” Nigel asked him.

“Six months,” Adam responded, as a matter of fact.

Nigel shook his head with a grin. “Oh is that the standard, then?”

Adam nodded. “That’s what Harlan says.”

“Well then it’s the fucking law,” he said with a nod.

* * *

> “Hi Beth. I am leaving you this voicemail to tell you that I will not be attending the rehearsal, or the rehearsal dinner. In fact, I will not be attending the wedding either. I don’t think we are in love anymore, and I don’t like the way you and your family treat me. I didn’t realize this until very recently, so I apologize for the late notice. I have already moved my things out of your apartment, and I will be staying with Nigel until I find a new place to live. Ok. Goodbye, Beth.”

Nigel waited all of two seconds to pick Adam up in a bear hug after he hung up his phone and turned it off.

“I am so fucking proud of you, gorgeous,” he spoke into his hair.

Adam smiled, relief flooding him. The plan surprisingly went down without a hitch. Besides a bit of heavy lifting on Nigel’s part to get some of Adam’s space gear out of the apartment, they managed to not run into anyone. Adam said he’d ride with Nigel to the rehearsal, saying she can ride with her parents. She rolled her eyes and told him not to be late. The family bustled about to get out the door on time, all the while Adam slagging behind purposely.

Once they left, he’d packed all the bags he could find as quickly as he could. He felt frantic and nervous, but with Nigel there helping him it was done within minutes. On the drive over he missed a call from Beth, Nigel told him not to answer it. No contact until he’s well out of her reach. They drove instead to Beth’s apartment in Manhattan. Nigel was annoyed but not surprised at how little things Adam had, and how they were all confided to one space. It didn’t take long at all to load up a few boxes and suitcases. With Nigel’s car practically bursting after two trips, they exhaustedly finished unloading the car into his apartment.

Nigel’s apartment was spacious, with high ceilings and modern decorations. One wall had exposed brick, the other wide windows. Adam liked the feel of it as soon as he walked in. Like he was seeing a new part of Nigel, a sophisticated, well-organized part.

Adam pulled back from the hug to lean up for a kiss. And finally, it didn’t feel wrong to kiss Nigel, like he was cheating on Beth. Because now that he and Beth were over, they had free range to do whatever they wanted. Which at the moment was to press into each other, absorbed in the moment.

“So can I give you a tour of the place?” Nigel rumbled, lips not too far from Adam’s.

Adam smiled. “I’d like that.”

Nigel took Adam’s hand, guiding him down a short hallway, passing a few doors. Adam was about to ask what was behind them when he was pulled into the last door on the left. He felt his body crash into Nigel’s and suddenly he was being kissed again, hard and searching.

“This is the bedroom,” Nigel told him between kisses. “Fuck all the other rooms.”

Adam glowed, realizing what Nigel had in mind for the rest of the tour. His mouth found Nigel’s as they stumbled into the room. He didn’t have time to take in the dark, sparely decorated room, illuminated only by a soft light from a bedside lamp. Their bodies fell on the wide king mattress, covered neatly by a dark red duvet. Their mouths didn’t separate as Nigel’s hands clutched at Adam’s back to pull him close. When Adam moaned something soft, he let his hands trail downward, grabbing at his ass.

“How far do you want to go?” Nigel husked.

“I want to go slow,” Adam told him.

“We can go as slow as you fucking want, darling.”

“I want you,” Adam whispered. “I want to touch you.” He emphasized this by sliding his hands up the front of Nigel’s shirt, hands roaming warm skin.

Nigel rolled them so that he was on his back, Adam straddling him. Adam leaned down and caught his lips again. This kiss was more demanding, hungrier. It was filled with the promise of what was to come, with both their floodgates bursting. The lifted embargo on touching made Adam’s head spin, dropped heat into his belly.

They laid like this, grinding into each other, mouths searching for answers and finding them in each swipe of tongue. Adam felt Nigel’s growing erection between his legs and want spread like fire through him. It was so new, so different then what he’d grown so used to. It was electric, pulsing, begging.

He pulled away from the kiss briefly, just to breath against Nigel’s mouth.

“Can I touch you?” He asked, this time insinuating for more.

Nigel dropped his head on the mattress and laughed gently.

“I thought you wanted to go slow?” He challenged.

Adam was already impatiently pulling at the button and zipper to Nigel’s jeans. He could feel the bulge pressing firm against the fabric.

“I want to see it, to feel it,” his voice was soft in the room, eyes trained on Nigel’s lap. He watched mesmerized as Nigel squirmed out of his pants and underwear. Soon his hardness was fully exposed in the soft light. He was big, bigger than Adam, and thick. It made Adam’s heart race and he smiled something shy as he reached between them. Nigel watched with wide eyes, propped up on his elbows. As soon as Adam’s soft hand came around him he groaned low and rumbling, dropping his head back.

“Fuck,” he husked, trying not to buck up into Adam’s hand. He knew the younger man wanted to take his time, but the fire inside him burned hard and fast, and it took everything in him not to take over. He let Adam tug experimentally down onto his cock, going slow and spiraling.

Adam was encouraged by Nigel’s low grunts, he could feel him shaking underneath him. It felt so new, so intoxicating to be this intimate with him. He tightened his grip and moved his fist faster over him. Nigel moaned, letting his back drop against the mattress.

“Fuck, baby, if you keep that up, I won’t last long,” he spoke, eyes drooped and hips working rhythmically in time with Adam’s hand.

“That’s ok. We can just do it again later. And again after that, and again after that,” Adam said, leaning forward to crash their lips together.

“On and on for forever,” Nigel growled, nipping at Adam’s lip.

Adam kept up his ministrations, despite Nigel’s warning, encouraged by his growing moaning. Soon Nigel was groaning in earnest, chest heaving and pleasure mounting.

“Come for me, Nigel. Please. I want to watch,” Adam encouraged, his own hardness aching at his own words. Wanting to watch Nigel come undone, lose himself in this moment.

Nigel did as he was asked, with a muffled shout as a spurting stream of white came pulsing out of him. He enjoyed a few aftershocks of pleasure before relaxing back onto the bed.

“Fucking hell, angel.” He huffed, still panting.

Adam grinned and leaned down, stretching out to lay next to Nigel. Nigel leaned up to pull his ruined tshirt up over his head. He turned on the bed shirtless towards Adam. He pulled him upwards into a hungry kiss, turning them on the bed so that he was on top. He moved his kisses to light sucking and biting on Adam’s neck.

“You’re turn,” he purred, His hand already moving between them.

Adam bit his lip to hold back a small groan as Nigel pushed against him, against his jeans.

“How far do you want to go, gorgeous?” He grumbled.

“Touch me,” Adam breathed without thought. Without much else but base need pulsing fiery under the skin.

Nigel grinned against his neck, already smoothly working the button and zipper. He dipped his hand under his underwear, coming to grip Adam’s hardness with a full palm. He gently worked his fist over skin silky as sin. Adam exhaled in a breath of relief to feel Nigel’s big hands tightening around him. He had to bite his lip to hold back a pleading moan.

“Wait, wait,” he breathed, reaching to start tugging at his bottoms.

Nigel pulled back to let Adam squirm out of his jeans, tossing them to the floor. He paused for a moment, eyes looking to wear he’d just thrown it.

Nigel watched, and tilted his head.

“Are you wanting to fold your pants?” He asked.

A grin pulled at Adam’s lips. “I was considering it.”

Nigel started pulling away chuckling, until Adam grabbed his arm and with gentle force, pulled him quickly down into a kiss. Nigel grinned into it, grabbing at Adam’s length over his underwear. He teasingly shifted his palm over him. He wasn’t expecting the breathy moan from Adam in response, but it dropped heat through him. He dipped his palm hungrily under the fabric, and Adam lifted his hips to slide his briefs down under his hips.

“Angel, I have a confession,” he spoke against Adam’s neck, still moving his fist slowly over Adam.

Adam swallowed drily, panting slightly by now. He nodded, moaning again as Nigel licked and sucked hard higher up his neck.

“I’ve been dying to put your cock in my mouth since I laid eyes on you,” he said, accent thick.

Adam gasped quietly, thinking back to meeting him in the Buchwald’s living room. Nigel wanting him even then made him groan, squeeze his eyes shut as pleasure ran through him. It took him a second to realize the invitation hovering in Nigel’s words, the question he was posing.

When he had, he immediately nodded his head enthusiastically.

Nigel grinned against his skin. “Is that something you’d be interested in, baby?” he husked, still moving his hand now torturously slowly.

Adam breathed shakily, his hips trying to make up the difference in pressure against Nigel’s hand as he teased him.

“Please,” he breathed.

Nigel shifted his weight over him so that he could bring their lips together. This a greedy indulgence, tongues meeting immediately, sliding wet against each other. Nigel pulled away, releasing Adam so he could shift down the bed. Adam watched in the dim light as Nigel licked a wet trail up Adam’s length, before enveloping his head into his mouth.

Adam let out a louder moan, surprised by the rush a pleasure pounding through him. Nigel’s mouth was so wet, so tight as he took him deeper. His fist still spiraled around the base of Adam’s length. Adam couldn’t keep the tumbling moans from escaping between each heavy breath.

Nigel pulled off with a swirling suck, pumping his fist faster, slicker over him. He dipped back down to suck mesmerizing kisses along his length. Adam felt a tightening coil winding in his core, felt it harder when Nigel sucked him into his mouth again. This time pulling him in deeper, as far back as he could go. Which was enough to have Adam gripping at the sheets and groaning in a pant.

“I’m close,” Adam could only husk before another moan erupted out of him.

Nigel took it as a challenge, and began sucking harder, bobbing his head in smooth motions and taking him into his throat. Adam gasped and groaned, bucking his hips into Nigel’s mouth. Nigel found himself moaning, spit dripping from the sides of his mouth. He was already getting a little hard himself, hearing Adam’s breathy moans and soft sighs.

The tightening coil inside Adam’s belly snapped, bursting white hot pleasure through him. He stilled as he came hard with his eyes squeezed shut and a gasping groan. Nigel softened his sucking, but didn’t pull off right away. He felt a tremor roar through Adam, followed by a soft sigh. Nigel finally pulled off Adam, leaning back on his legs to straighten his back.

He looked down at Adam with a satisfied grin, wiping his lip with his fingers. Adam gazed back up at him with hooded eyes, still panting slightly. He closed his eyes, exhaling carefully. Nigel leaned down to kiss him on the cheek, lingering until Adam turned his head to find his lips. This kiss softer, a sharing and a calming, a coming together. There hearts expanding at the intimacy of the exchange, fluttering still over what they’d just done.

When they pulled apart, Nigel rolled onto the bed, laying on his back.

Adam waited a few seconds, before pulling his briefs up, and crawling out of bed.

He bent to pick up his jeans.

Nigel’s eyes followed Adam, and when he realized what he was doing he laughed out loud. A smile pulling at his lips, Adam neatly placed his jeans on the chair in the corner of the room. Before he returned he fished his cell phone out of his pocket. He read the screen, then looked to Nigel in slight alarm.

“I have 37 missed calls, 5 voicemails and 26 text messages,” Adam informed him.

Nigel’s eyebrows raised.

“Wow, might set a record there, Beth.” He mused as Adam unlocked his phone. He frowned at the screen as he navigated to messages.

> You’re a selfish piece of shit for doing this to me.

He looked up before reading the rest of the text.

“I don’t think I want to read these,” Adam said. “She’s not very nice in them.”

“Fuck her, Adam. Seriously. She’s gunna be pissed as fuck if you respond or not, so you might as well save yourself the effort.”

Adam looked down at his phone. He paused for a moment, considering, before shutting off the screen and setting it back down.

“May I take a shower?” he asked, turning back to Nigel.

“That depends,” Nigel said. “May I join you?” he asked, suggestion in his tone.

Adam grinned. “I’d like that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay the last chapter is up! Please leave a comment and let me know what you think <3 I've had so much fun writing, reading comments and posting the chapters every day! 
> 
> If you're interested, I have another Spacedogs fic, as well as a longer hannigram piece! ❤

**Author's Note:**

> Back at it again with Spacedogs! I'll be posting a chapter every day! So excited to share this project with everyone :) Comment to let me know what you think!


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